Coming Soon—Seven More Executive Orders From Trump

1.    Rename Canada “North Cuba.”

 

2.    Designate golf as America’s fourth major sport and relegate ice hockey to fifth place.

 

3.    The United States doesn’t have an official language, though 32 states grant “English” that honor.  The hell with that.  Chinese is what they speak in China, German is what they speak in Germany, and English is what they speak in England.  Trump should declare “American” our official language.

 

4.    Amend his previous E.O. about genders and sports and let the trans girls play women’s flag football because, really, who would ever watch it anyway?  

 

5.    Rename the Mediterranean Sea the Gulf of Melania.  With that whole Stormy Daniels thing, it’s the least he can do.

 

6.    Rescind the designated hitter rule.

 

7.     Make Pluto a planet again.

 

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