STUPID BOWLING QUESTIONS

In the summer of 2005, Tex attended a bowling camp at the Thunderbird Lanes in Northeast Philly. At the first meeting, their coach’s opening lecture concluded with this observation:

“Remember. There are no stupid questions about bowling.”

The program consisted of two three-hour sessions each week, for six weeks, and the Thunderbird Lanes are just far enough from our home that it made little sense for me to drop him off, drive home, and then drive back to pick him up. In other words, I spent a lot of time at the Thunderbird Lanes last summer doing sudoku puzzles, drinking beer, watching young bowlers hone their skills, and pondering Coach Don’s words.

Though I am not a professional bowler or a qualified bowling coach, I have decided Coach is wrong on this point. Indeed, I am convinced there are stupid bowling questions. YOU decide. I submit the following for your consideration:

1. What’s the ball for?

2. What are you supposed to put in the little holes?

3. When is the best time to stick your head in the ball-return chute?

4. Is it legal to throw overhand?

5. Some guy told me there’s a federal law that says you can’t talk on a cell phone while you’re bowling. Is that true?

6. Are you allowed to dribble a bowling ball before you shoot? You know, like in basketball?

7. There’s no “I” in “TEAM,” but there is an “I” in “BOWLING TEAM.” So what do you do?

8. Since you get two balls to knock down all the pins, can you roll them both at once?

9. Do pros ever use a lumpy ball? If so, why?

10. Can you choose how many pins there are, or does it have to be a certain number?

11. Is it ever a good idea to throw the ball in the gutter? Like for strategy?

Copyright 2005 Michael Kubacki