Wednesday, May 3, 2006


*** Never participate in a drinking contest of any kind, not even of water.

*** After chopping jalapenos, wash your hands with soap and water before touching your penis.

*** Aside from your parents, nobody really cares whether you are educated. Most of the world, including almost all of your teachers, wants you to be stupid. If you want an education, you will have to fight for it.

*** Blondes cannot be expected to take out the trash.

*** Someday you will be attracted to a girl who wants a diamond ring, a large wedding with a horse-drawn carriage, and wedding presents from William-Sonoma. Do not, under any circumstances, marry this girl.

*** Never bet the favorite. If you don’t like the underdog, pass.

*** Throughout your life, maintain some friendships with people who are either much older or much younger than you are.

***In no-limit Texas hold-em, never go all in with an ace-queen unsuited.

*** Ignore doom-sayers. They are always wrong, and they are generally only in it for the money. Salt and sugar and fat are not bad for you, and cell phones won’t give you brain cancer. “Global Warming” is 1% science and 99% hype. If you ever have any doubts about this, remember how most of us died from Global Cooling in the 1970’s, and the rest of us perished in the Y2K disaster.

*** Nobody ever really gets away with anything.

*** If you know what you want to do with your life when you’re 18, fine. Otherwise, politely ignore advice that you find a career or settle down. No one in your family ever amounted to anything before the age of thirty.

*** You will be happier with girls whose eating habits are no stranger than your own.

***In war, America is 23 – 1. When you are faced with a battle against superior forces, in school or in life, ask yourself: “What would the Vietcong do?”

*** Where money is concerned, focus your attention on the upside, and ignore risk. A single $10,000 score pays for a lot of $100 losses. In the long run, this strategy is much safer than trying to grind it out. The grinders get wiped out too, and they never have a chance to earn a truly interesting sum of money.

*** You can either have cats or nice furniture. You can’t have both.

*** In my 20’s, I had a nasty apartment in a bad neighborhood, and I was burglarized several times. I’m not suggesting you live in such a place, but it did teach me not to get attached to material things, and this has turned out to be a valuable lesson.

*** A gentleman pays his gambling debts before he pays his mortgage, his electric bill, or his lawyer.

*** All of us are confronted every day with the choice of good or evil. The real danger lies in pretending you don’t know the difference.

Copyright 2004 Michael Kubacki