- Constantly monitor all body functions and post the readings and results and photographs on a dedicated website.
2. Spend more time grooming my toenails. Also, talk about them more often. Ask people I meet about how they care for their toenails and what I should do about mine.
3. Carry a cigarette in my pocket and, whenever I am in someone else’s house or car, put it in my mouth and ask if they mind whether I smoke.
4. When the money starts rolling in from the massive tax cut for the super-rich, give 2% of my additional income to the deserving poor.
5. Cut the head off a large wild animal and leave it in Central Park.
6. Spend no more than 30% of my 2025 income on roofies, bourbon, lubricants, Adderall, sex toys, Viagra, and Chinese midget clown porn.
7. Put on twenty pounds.
8. Move my “first drink” time from 5 PM to 4:15.
9. Begin to incorporate beef tallow into my diet so that by the end of the year I am obtaining at least 20% of my calories from it.
10. Fast forward through all movies so I can watch twice as many.
Copyright2024MichaelKubacki
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