2006 NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

I, Michael Kubacki, hereby resolve to:

1) Be more tolerant and accepting of people from different ethnic groups, and not just the good ethnic groups, but the stupid, dirty ones as well.

2) Drive just a little bit faster wherever I go, and use the time saved to watch internet pornography.

3) Remember to turn up my cell phone ring when I go to the movies so I don’t miss any important calls.

4) Take some of the money I’ve been putting away for Tex’s college and start buying better beer.

5) Put on a few pounds. Instead of that green salad I usually put next to my macaroni and cheese, why not a baked potato? Six minutes in the microwave!

6) Give up my study of the Bible and watch more TV instead.

7) Stop being so shy in spreading the good news about our wonderful President Bush to all my friends.

8) Remember to say “Native Americans” instead of “Woo-woo Indians.”

9) Be more sensitive, caring and understanding toward my fellow man, but always be sure to get the other guy before he gets me.

Copyright 2005 Michael Kubacki